I don’t think I miss a particular person

I don’t think I miss a particular person.

I think I miss the version of myself I was before I started overthinking everything.

I used to make plans without calculating every possible way they could go wrong. I used to say what I felt without rewriting the sentence five times in my head. I laughed louder.

I trusted people more easily. I could have a bad day without turning it into a personality crisis.

Somewhere along the way, I became careful.

Careful about what I say.

Careful about who I trust.

Careful about how much I care.

Careful about looking stupid.

And I know being careful isn't necessarily bad. Life teaches you things, and some lessons are supposed to change you.

But sometimes I wonder if I learned the lesson a little too well.

I don't want to become the person who never gets hurt simply because she never lets herself feel anything deeply.

Maybe I don't need to become my old self again.

Maybe I just need to bring some of her back.

The girl who wasn't afraid to be excited.

The girl who didn't need everything to make sense.

The girl who simply lived.

Name the worry that is loudest right now. What is it really about, underneath?