I Think I Was Born Without the Ability to Act Normal 😭

I have a genuine question.

How do some people manage to be effortlessly normal in public?

Because I seem to have missed that particular software update.

Yesterday, I was walking down the street when someone waved in my direction.

Naturally, I waved back.

Enthusiastically.

With a smile.

A full hand movement.

Only to realise they were waving at someone BEHIND me.

Now, a reasonable person would simply lower their hand and continue walking.

Not me.

I immediately pretended I was fixing my hair.

With the same hand.

While maintaining eye contact.

I looked like I was auditioning for a shampoo commercial nobody asked for.

And somehow, that's not even my most embarrassing public interaction.

Last week, a shopkeeper said, "Have a nice day!"

I replied, "Same to your family."

YOUR FAMILY?

WHY DID I INVOLVE HIS ENTIRE BLOODLINE?

The man just stared at me.

I stared back.

We both knew something terrible had happened.

I left without collecting my change.

At this point, I'm basically paying an embarrassment tax.

And then there are those moments when you're walking towards someone on a narrow path.

You move left.

They move left.

You move right.

They move right.

Suddenly, you're performing an unplanned romantic dance with a complete stranger.

Except there's no romance.

Just two confused people trying to escape each other's existence.

Eventually, someone laughs awkwardly and says, "You go."

And naturally, you both move again.

Honestly, this should be an Olympic sport.

But my personal favourite is when someone asks me a simple question, and my brain decides to resign.

"Where are you from?"

A perfectly normal question.

One I've answered approximately ten thousand times.

Yet suddenly, I'm questioning my geographical identity.

Do they mean my hometown?

My current city?

My ancestral origins?

My emotional homeland?

By the time I've finished internally analysing the question, they've probably moved to another country.

And don't even get me started on accidentally making eye contact with strangers.

The moment our eyes meet, I become painfully aware of my own face.

Am I smiling?

Should I smile?

Is my expression weird?

Why am I thinking about my expression?

HOW DO PEOPLE CONTROL THEIR FACES?

Then I attempt a casual smile and somehow produce the facial expression of someone who has just received mildly concerning medical test results.

Beautiful.

harming.

The worst part is that these incidents never leave my memory.

I could forget an important deadline, someone's birthday, or why I entered a room.

Sometimes I genuinely admire people who can walk into a room, introduce themselves, hold a conversation, and leave without creating a lifelong psychological souvenir.

Must be nice.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to survive basic human interaction without accidentally proposing marriage to a cashier.

At this point, I don't need confidence-building exercises.

I need a customer support number for my personality. 😭😂