Life choice

Name the worry that is loudest right now. What is it really about, underneath?

Yesterday I met my boyfriend for the last time before he went back to the University. He asked me playfully, "Will you marry me later?"

I knew he wasn't that serious but still I did not have an answer.

For a good number of days I've been struggling with this thought that what our future will become.

The thing is, I am studying medicine and my family is expecting me to marry another doctor. They all think that I would somehow change their status and if I marry another doctor it'll all be sorted (typical brown family).

But my boyfriend is going to be a Professor. I know that it is another great job. And I personally love that for him.

But what should I do about my family's expectations. They have even put through so much money in my education. I think they expect me to marry into a high status family which will not happen if I marry him.

I do love him but I have lots of existential thoughts and doubts.

Should I fight for my love?

Will it be worth it?

What if I go against my family and later I'm taken for granted?

Should I just tell him, that would break his heart though.

I can not be so selfish as to break his heart.

If I do that I would be betraying my own heart too because I love him.

Maybe I should have enough courage if I had decided to love somebody.

I really need some clarity on this.