Secrets

How unbelievable it is that some family secrets are buried too deep to mislead the young generation!

I was 24 at that time. A young girl, who had completed her education and working at a reputed organization. As soon as a young woman starts to breathe the air of her independence, the family decides that she should be deprived of everything that makes her happy.

A few days before my 25th birthday, my parents announced that they would start searching candidates for my marriage. I was neither happy nor shocked to hear that. I had seen my cousins going through this phase, so I knew it was over the horizon. Discussion with my parents was good and they had been understanding of my expectations and hard limits. But my grandmother had different plans.

Once I had gone to her home. She decided to have a 'conversation' with me towards what was right. She insisted that I was a burden for my parents and how they had been tensed about me getting married. I was shocked to hear this side of the story because they had always been understanding.

My grandmother told me that my parents were deeply hurt because I met two potential candidates and decided not to proceed ahead. I told her that I did not feel they were right for me. That is when she told me to get off the high horse. She further said that I was not pretty enough, smart enough or eligible enough to ask for more. I should settle for bare minimum as that was my worth. Her words broke me. I felt that my whole identity was minimized to just an unmarried girl. I felt discouraged that time.

Years passed and I remained unmarried. Every time I would meet granny, she would make remarks about me being a burden. Telling me how I am the only one unmarried in the family. Every time I would get hurt. Later I decided to ignore her remarks. I decided to give least importance to her opinions.

My granny died in 2020. A couple of months after her death, I met my cousin. I asked her if granny made similar remarks about her while she had difficulty finding a groom. When my cousin denied, I was shocked. I asked my other cousins too and they had never been told the things that I was told. I felt hurt, thinking that maybe I was the only one at the receiving end of such cruel remarks.

Recently I met my granny's cousin who is in her late 80s now. She was praising my granny a lot. She spoke about how granny had been supportive towards her. She added that she had been a teacher and granny supported her career decision. She told me how fiercely granny fought with her family for her to remain unmarried and pursue her career. This was in 1960s. I was in disbelief, I could not believe she was describing the same woman who had been making vile remarks about me staying unmarried.

This is when I realised that each family keeps several secrets. Some secrets are buried deep enough that they could not be easily uncovered. Sometimes the families create narratives to deceive younger generation. Ever since that incident I keep thinking what other secrets my family has been hiding from me.