sitting in chaos

When I was growing up, I always resented my own feelings of chaos. I constantly felt disrupted, unfocused, unfinished, a storm of good intentions and not so much follow through. Now, the older I get the more relaxed I find myself even in the midst of an unpredictable storm. Whether it be my conditions, my relationships, or my emotions, I stopped resenting what I couldn’t control and starting finding delight in the things I could. I think so often we put so much pressure on ourselves to conform and fit molds and do what is expected of us, to constantly grow and push for more and never rest or pause to bask in delight or turmoil. But for me, sitting down in the eye of a storm helps you wade your way through it. Being comfortable in the unknown gives you more room to grow than you could ever find. Knowing that sometimes you just have to work with what you’ve got and figure the rest out as you go makes you realize that you aren’t alone in not knowing. You aren’t alone in feeling weary or scared. You aren’t alone in your overthinking or second guessing. Everyone is just here, first time on earth, trying their very best to create the life they want to live. And maybe we all get it wrong, maybe we all get it perfectly right. Or maybe we all get slices of extraordinary in the small things that compile into a large, beautiful, wonderful life.

So my hope for all of us is that we have one good thing. That in that one good thing, be it the perfectly sugared cup of coffee or the pillow that’s just the right temperature, or catching a cab at just the right time; we all find magic in and flee in each breath we take.