Taking a break or complete Burnout?

Working is the key to independence. And NOTHING is more important than being independent.

This is the principle my family raised me on. A very valid one, for sure. It reminds me regularly to never take anything for granted, to stand on my own two feet, to try to do things of merit and value. Most importantly, it has allowed me to live largely on my own terms. While I fully believe that independence comes from knowing what you want and how to make decisions, financial independence gives you the actual means to do that. And nothing can replace the confidence that the experience of working provides, from the people you meet to all the various things you can learn.

As a result of this strong belief within my family, I have kept myself occupied with work since I was 14. I started with volunteer work, then moved to internships when I went for my higher studies. While many kids enjoyed winter holidays or festival times, I spent every break interning anywhere that would let me. And during each semester, I would work part time, attend conferences, apply for competitions. Anything I could do, I would do it. With this effort and a lot of luck, I was one of the few in my batch to get a job before completing my final year of college. So while still completing my final exams in 2016, I began working at my first official job. And for the next 10 years, I never stopped.

I tried many different jobs over the years. At one point, I decided to do a career shift, so I found myself working 2 jobs at the same time. 1 in my old profession, the one I had studied for (5 long years old college!) and 1 in my potential new profession, a passion I had been pursuing since I was a kid, but it wasn't the standard Lawyer-Doctor-Engineer that all our parents expect us to do. So I couldn't quit the "respectable" profession without properly establishing myself in the other one.

20 hour work days for 1 whole year left me in a messed up state, but at the end of it, I did it. I found a way to turn my passion into a profession. And I just had to keep working. Never stop working. Because if you stop working, then everything stops. And who you are stops.

Then 3 months ago, I stopped working.

It was for the usual reasons, growth opportunities in my then company had become limited, office politics was getting silly. I was ready to move on. I'll take a 1 month break, just a quick break, and then back to work. Or at least I thought so. But it didn't hit me till my last working day.

10 years of my life. Devoted to this thing. This concept. "Work". "Job". "Career".

"Independence".

This stupid work = independence equation just left my head so backwards. Because it's like I forgot how to be independent without it. I forgot how to enjoy life outside of 9 to 5. I forgot how to be a person independent of my job. One that has people, and interests, and passions. I was once so passionate, I worked 20 hours a day, just to get to do what I like. Now I have to remind myself what passion looks like.

And without my realising it, this loss of joy and passion, it seeped into my work also. I was doing it mechanically, robotically. No wonder I couldn't grow, I put myself in a box. Even though I had seen it coming for years, I finally understood what burnout truly was.

So, now it's been 3 months. And I'm still looking for a job. But I'm also looking for myself. And trying to remember all the wonderful little things my life is made up of, all the things that make me the independent spirit I am (or atleast trying to be!).

I just wanted to share this, for anyone out there that has maybe experienced burnout themselves or is going through it now. I think its important we talk about these things, because I wish I had discussed them more in the past. And for anyone who isn't there yet, that's great! Just remember: Stay focused on the joys in life and work - that's why they call it balance. Don't forget to stop and smell the roses the next time your office sends you on a work trip. These are the little things that make it worth it.