The Things I Left Unsaid

There are so many things I wanted to say but somehow everytime i got the chance I stayed quiet.

Not because i didn't care. Maybe it was actually because i cared too muchh

Sometimes I would type out a message, read it again and again and then delete it. I would think , "Maybe tomorrow I'll say it". And then tomorrow come , and i would still find another reason to stay silent.

There are things I wanted to explain

Things i wanted to ask , things i wanted the other person to know without me having to actually say them.

I wanted to say that some things hurt me more than i ever admitted. That u noticed the little changes. That i remember conversation they probably didn't even remember having. I wanted to say that sometimes I missed how things used to be, even though i knew going back wasn't really possible.

But what do you say when you're scared that saying what you truly feel might change everything?

So i chose silence.

I told myself that maybe it was better this way. Maybe some conversations weren't worth having anymore. Maybe people understood without explanations. Maybe if something was meant to say, I wouldn't have to fight so hard to keep it.

But the strange thing about unsaid words is that they don't dissapear just because you don't speak them.

They stay somewhere in the back of your mind.

You remember them at random times. While listening to a certain song. While scrolling through old conversation. While passing a place that remind you of someone. Sometimes even in the middle of an ordinary day when you weren't thinking about anything at all.

And then you wonder, "What if I had just said it?"

Maybe things would've been different.

Or maybe something would've changed

I don't know which possibility scares me more.

These days, I'm slowly learning that not every feeling needs an explanation and not every question needs an answer. Sometimes closure isn't conversation with another person. Sometimes it's accepting that you may never get to stay everything you wanted to.

Still, if I ever get a chance to say all the things i kept inside, I don't think I'd ask for anything.

I'd simple say:

"I cared. I really did. And there were so many things i wanted to say. I just didn't know how."

Maybe that's enough.

Maybe some words aren't meant to be heard.

Maybd they're just meant to be finally understood by the person who carried them for so long.