a place where I've lived for years

So guyzz, I'm 19 yrs old nd i live in a five people family including me. My parents nd a younger nd elder brother so I'm the middle child, unfortunately. My big bro went to hostel when I was 5 nd my parents cared for him more than me specially my mom. Like I'd tell her about my nightmares nd she'd go like God know how my poor kid doing there all alone while i was alone too even with them. Two years later my lil bro was born nd i was happy that i got a baby to play with. But he took my parents leftover attention nd then they never ever patted my head when I got first or second rank in cls and never asked me if was fine playing alone, going to school all by myself and they didn't even remember how scared i used to get because of those dreams. I had only one friend, a friend like home while my own home had become a living hell for me. He suggested me to study hard so that I'd go to the hostel too only if I want to get rid of my parents nd I agreed. I got into the same as my elder brother. He was in 11th and I was in 6th standard. I felt a bit relieved, not fully because of him. Every month, after ptm my parents would sit with us nd appreciate him, only him. I listened to them while looking at other classmates, seniors and children being loved by their parents even if there were 3 from same family, their parents would appreciate each of them in every way possible not like mine who always demotivated me nd then blamed me for average result. They always wanted to know that why I was like this, like that but never realised they were the reason for everything in my life, no matter if it was bad kr worse or worst. When my brother chose science stream, they forced me to chose the same too. I did but I'm no longer interested in any kind of study. Now, all i want is a job, a stable one so that i would leave my house, the toxic home that never felt like a sweet home. I wonder if they would ever know why I'm like this or what's the reason that made me not interested in studies or birthdays. But I don't really care because I always gave my 100% but got no result so i decided to move on with life as it is ndd I'm at peace, really....