Away from home

Sometimes death is more than the end of life. It could be the end of suffering. It could be the only way to find peace and healing. A lot of events I had witnessed which changed my thoughts and feelings around death.

One evening my dad received a phone call. It was from Mr Gokhale who lived in our society complex. His mother was unwell and they had planned to shift her to the nursing home. He needed a bit of help to make certain arrangements, that is why he asked my dad to go to his home. Being from a paramedical field, I decided to join, knowing that any help in such instances is welcomed.

When we reached his home, he took us to his mother's room. She was a bit more than skin and bones. She had her eyes closed. Her skin looked pale. Veins had been protruding from her skin. She looked so delicate that even a gentle touch would injure her. Her caregiver sat right besides her.

Mr Gokhale noticed that I was looking at his mother with concern. Knowing my professional background he decided to tell me about her condition, "she is almost 95. But she has no illness. She is not on any medications. It is the old age that is bothering her. She had not eaten anything for last 2 days. I asked the doctors and they said there is no use of hospitalization. My friend is a doctor, he suggested me to place her in an elderly care clinic. My cousin runs an elderly care center where I am sending her. It pains me to do so, but still it be better to manage her at home. At least she will be under my cousin's care".

I understood his view. Often hospitalization is not recommended for such an old age. He made the decision that would have benefitted his mother. Mr Gokhale was sad to make this decision, yet he knew it was the right one. While my dad and Mr Gokhale had been packing clothes and supplies before the ambulance from nursing home arrived, I too was helping the caregiver. The caregiver caught my attention and said, "didi, once granny goes to the nursing home, she will pass away very soon".
I was surprised by her comment. It was not kind to say, "why do you say that? Uncle has made the right decision to send her to his relative's nursing home. He is sending granny to a good place where she would be taken care of".
The caregiver said, "not like that. If an old person in such state is moved away from home not to a hospital but a nursing home, they are able to detach and leave this world. I have seen many such cases. It is not about the care but the detachment. Here she is still attached to uncle. In the nursing home, when she will realise uncle is not around, she will be able to start her journey ahead".

I was still confused, but decided to focus on preparation. The ambulance arrived and they carried Mr Gokhale's mother with care. While we were leaving the caregiver whispered, "didi mark my words. In a day or two we will receive the news. I have worked with many senior patients and I am saying from my experience".

Just how the caregiver had mentioned, Mr Gokhale's mother died the next day at the nursing home. It made me realise that we still fully do not understand death. Sometimes the emotional attachments hold back the patient from departing this mortal realm and when they move away from home and their loved ones, they are able to leave the bond behind to embark on a new journey.