Chapter 2 — Stop Feeding the Nafs (Part A): Understanding Your Desires

(PART-A)
Understanding Your Desires
1. The Same Old Habit
It was 3:47 a.m.
Yusuf sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the phone in his hand. The room was quiet, but his mind was not.
He had promised himself that he would sleep early. He had promised that he would stop wasting hours scrolling through his phone. Yet, once again, he had broken that promise.
He placed the phone beside him and whispered, “Why do I keep doing this? I know it's wrong for me, but why can't I stop?”
The problem wasn't that Yusuf didn't know what was right. He knew. He wanted to change. He wanted to pray on time, use his time wisely, and feel closer to Allah
But every night, the same pattern returned.
Just five more minutes, he would tell himself.
.Five minutes became an hour. An hour became regret. And regret became another promise to change tomorrow.
Yusuf began to realise something important: knowing what is right and choosing what is right are not always the same thing.
Something within him kept pulling him towards immediate comfort, even when he knew it would leave him feeling empty afterwards.
He needed to understand that struggle before he could overcome it.
2. A Lesson from Ustadh Idris
The following afternoon, Yusuf visited Ustadh Idris, an elderly teacher known for his calm words and thoughtful advice.
After listening to Yusuf, the teacher didn't scold him.
Instead, he asked, “Tell me, Yusuf, when you reach for your phone at night, what are you really looking for?”
Yusuf thought for a moment.
“Entertainment, I suppose. Something to help me relax.”
“Only entertainment?”
Yusuf looked down.
“Sometimes I'm bored. Sometimes I feel stressed. Sometimes I don't want to think about my responsibilities.”
Ustadh Idris nodded.
“Now you're beginning to understand. Sometimes, the habit you struggle with is only the surface. Beneath it, there may be boredom, stress, loneliness, or a desire to escape your thoughts.”
He paused before continuing.
“The nafs often wants what feels good immediately. It whispers that you deserve comfort, that you can change tomorrow, and that a little more won't hurt.But it doesn't always show you the price you'll pay later.”
Yusuf listened carefully.
“So, my problem isn't just the phone?”
“The phone is a tool,” the teacher replied. “The deeper question is why you keepturning to it, even when you know it is taking something valuable from you.”
Yusuf finally understood that changing a habit required more than making promises. He needed to recognise whattriggered the habit and what kept him returning to it.
3. Understanding the Nafs
Ustadh Idris opened the Qur'an and reminded Yusuf that the human soul can struggle with desires and wrongdoingbut Allah's mercy is always greater than our weaknesses.
Allah says:
Surah Yusuf (12:53)
وَمَا أُبَرِّئُ نَفْسِي ۚ إِنَّ النَّفْسَ لَأَمَّارَةٌ بِالسُّوءِ إِلَّا مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّي ۚ إِنَّ رَبِّي غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
“And I do not claim myself free of blame. Indeed, the soul is ever inclined to evil,except those upon which my Lord has mercy. Surely my Lord is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
“The nafs can pull you towards what is easy and pleasing in the moment,” Ustadh Idris explained. “But that doesn't mean you shouldhate yourself for struggling. It means you must learn to guide yourself instead of allowing every desire to control you.”
He gave Yusuf a simple example.
“Imagine a young child who asks for sweets. If you give the child sweets every time they demand them, what happens?”
“The child will keep asking for more,” Yusuf answered.
“Exactly. The more you satisfy every demand, the harder it may become to say no. Your nafs can behave in a similar way. If every feeling becomes an action,every craving becomes a habit, and every temptation receives your attention, you make it easier to repeat that behaviour.”
Yusuf thought about the countless times he had reached for his phone without even thinking.
He had been feeding the habit every time he gave in.
4. What Are You Feeding?
“Yusuf,” the teacher continued, “your actions are like seeds. Whatever you repeatedly practise becomes easier to return to. If you repeatedly choosedistraction, distraction may become your first response. If you practise patience and self-control, those qualities can grow too.”
Allah says:
Surah Ash-Shams (91:9–10)
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا ۝ وَقَدْ خَابَ مَن دَسَّاهَا
“Successful indeed is the one who purifies it, and failed indeed is the one who corrupts it.”
“Training your nafs doesn't mean removing every desire,” Ustadh Idris explained. “It means learning which desires to follow and which ones to resist.You can enjoy life without allowing enjoyment to become your master.”
He asked Yusuf to consider a few things:
.Do you reach for your phone whenever you feel bored?
.Do you delay Salah because something else feels more enjoyable?
.Do you waste time and promise yourself you'll change tomorrow?
.Do you continue a habit even though it leaves you feeling guilty or distant from Allah?
Yusuf recognised himself in those questions.
The teacher then reminded him that the people and things he surrounded himself with could influence his choicesConstant distractions, unhealthy company, the desire for attention, and too much unstructured time could make it easier to forget his priorities.
Allah says:
Surah Al-Hashr (59:19)
وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ
“And do not be like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.”
“When we become heedless of Allah, Yusuf, we can also lose sight of what truly matters to us. We forget our purpose, neglect our responsibilities, and become trapped in habits that don't benefit us.”
5. Before You Change, Understand
Before leaving, Ustadh Idris gave Yusuf one final piece of advice.
“Don't try to change your entire life in one night. Begin by observing yourself. When the urge comes, pause. Ask yourself what you're feeling, what you're seekingand whether giving in will bring you closer to the person you want to become.”
Yusuf nodded.
For the first time, he didn't leave feeling ashamed of himself. He left with something more useful: awareness.
He was beginning to understand his nafs.
And understanding was his first step towards change.
Reflection
Take a moment to reflect honestly:
1 .What habit do you keep repeating even though you know it isn't helping you?
2. What feeling usually comes before that habit: boredom, stress, loneliness, anger, or something else?
3.What are you giving too much attention to in your daily life?
4. What is one thing you could reduce to protect your time, heart, and connection with Allah?

Remember: You Cannot change a habit properly Until you begin to understand what keeps feeding it?

To be Continued....




What is something you got wrong recently — and what did it quietly teach you?