The Person Everyone Thinks They Know

It’s strange how you can be surrounded by people and still feel like nobody really knows you. People know your name. They know your personality, your jokes, the way you react to things, and maybe even the kind of music you listen to. Some know your favourite colour, your comfort food, and the little things that make you laugh.
But do they know you?
Do they know how many times you’ve said “it’s fine” when it really wasn’t? Or how you sometimes disappear into your own thoughts, replaying conversations that everyone else has probably forgotten? 
Do they know that sometimes you want someone to notice you’re not okay without having to explain it first?
The funny thing is, I’m not even sure I’d know how to explain myself if someone asked.
I can talk for hours and still leave out the things that matter most. I can laugh with people all day and then lie awake at night thinking about things I never said. I can be everyone’s listener, everyone’s person to text when something happens, and still hesitate when it comes to sharing what’s actually going on in my own head.
It’s not always because people don’t care. Sometimes, I’ve just become so used to keeping things to myself that opening up feels unfamiliar. I don’t want to make things awkward. I don’t want to sound dramatic. And sometimes, I don’t even have the right words for what I’m feeling.
So I keep it light. I change the subject. I make a joke.And everyone goes on believing they know me.
Maybe that’s the strangest part: being understood in all the little ways, but not in the ways that matter most.
I wonder if other people do this too. If they also have a version of themselves that everyone gets to see, and another version that only comes out when they’re alone.
Maybe we’re all a little harder to know than we look.And maybe being truly known isn’t about someone remembering every little detail about you. Maybe it’s about feeling safe enough to stop pretending that every little thing is fine.
I don’t need someone to read my mind. I just wish that, sometimes, someone would ask twice and actually wait for the answer.
Have you ever felt like everyone knows you, but nobody really knows you?