5:30 AM: Cant sleep again. Been staring at the ceiling for an hour thinking about the redundancy meeting next week. 28 years with this company and now... what? Im not ready to be irrelevant.
8:00 AM: Made breakfast for Linda. She didnt say much but i could tell shes worried too. The mortgage isnt gonna pay itself. Why didnt i save more? Why did i think id work till 65?
11:30 AM: Tried updating my resume. When did everything become about "digital transformation" and "agile methodologies"?? I build things. Good things. But apparently thats not enough anymore. Feel like a dinosaur.
2:00 PM: Lunch with Dave. He got let go 6 months ago, still hasnt found anything. Hes 52. We didnt talk about it but i could see it in his eyes. That fear. I see it in the mirror now too.
4:30 PM: Called Sam. Hes doing well in Brisbane, got promoted. Im proud of him but also... jealous? Is that terrible? My own son. He tried to cheer me up but i could hear the pity in his voice.
7:00 PM: Linda made my favorite - roast lamb. Were watching Mastechef and pretending everythings normal. But my stomachs in knots. What if i cant find something? What if this is it?
10:45 PM: Took the dog for a walk. The neighborhood is quiet. Everyone elses lives just keep going while mine feels like its falling apart. Im scared. There. I said it. Im fucking terrified and i dont know what to do.