curse of “NO”

I m doing computer engineering so im sure everyone realised by know i have too do multiple projects because well if i dont push myself no jobs thats scary so in college per sem we get multiple projects like i have attached one so its story of my sem 3rd we had 4/5 subjects and from them 3 subjects we had projects so groups were roll no wise 2 of my groups were same and one was different because number of members were different in this group . My group was full of guys no girls around my roll no at that time because of weather I was sick I had fever no one was helping me in the project I asked them to contribute atleast a bit no one was ready they ignored my text etc I did 2 projects alone because there was no help. I could not say anything because I’m anxious I was not able to say no and tell them I can’t do this alone so I stayed awake as we had very less days because of no help from anyone I had to this all by myself from finding the information , coding , solving errors and I had no references too and after all this I had to make report too for everyone and dividing work so they get marks too as I was not feeling good to take credits all by myself even though they did not help me at all! I did everything I was grinding myself day and night to complete the project and the work I did this for the 2 groups which were same in the third group which was a bit different because of members there was a guy he is good in studies too I thought he will me even a bit but he didn’t he told me that he is sick he can’t do this and on next day we had to submit the project and report both the project was left too and report as well! I thought he is working, he was not working at all and he asked me to do work at night around 11 am that if I can do work given to him as well I couldn’t say no because he was sick I was having high fever I was covered in blanket and it was rainy season too I wasn’t able to eat food as well my head was pounding in pain a lot but well as I said I don’t know how to say a simple word as no to someone I told him I’ll manage his work have rest take care and I started doing his work too I completed the project by 3-4 am then I started with report I did it by 6 am I guess then I wanted some sleep my college was at 9 am I was not able to take holiday because of submission i sent the report in the group in editable format and in pdf format too but this guy who asked me to do the work he later asked me even to edit his name because it was incorrect his last name he couldn’t even do this by himself looking back I realized everyone was using me for their comfort just because they can have rest and enjoy their life whereas I’m living the life like a slave or something!

I stopped meeting people , getting surrounded by them constantly scared of getting used again ! But I knew everything was messing my health if I don’t learn to say no it can mess my health even more I had to find some way to get out of this . I suffocated myself with immense overthinking and staying at home almost all the time I still do .
My habit of saying yes to everyone because of the constant fear of getting left out was still there it was bothering me a lot eventually one day I thought maybe I really need some alone time for myself I didn’t have to energy to go out or have fun or anything so I just forced myself to go out I’ll decide later on where to head on as I wasn’t even aware where shall I go to calm my mind .
Travelling was hard for me because of people surrounding me it still is hard for me it sounds kind of weird to anyone being scared people ? Some people think it’s funny not that I blame them sometimes I think too. I went out took the courage of travelling I realized so many people are suffering more than me? Not everyone looks happy some are worried about family while some are worried about future many people are alone with no shoulder to rely on while some are holding hands thinking we will handle this together and I realized they are facing the same thing too in different font . They don’t have the choice to say “NO”.
Maybe it’s their boss of family or partner or anything . It must be hard I kept on thinking about all this and was constantly wishing for everyone that I hope they receive the happiness they are craving and no worries well it’s not possible to live worry free life but my heart was not ready to accept it so the journey went like this.
I wanted to go eat something as eating keeps me happy but later I realized it’s depressed eating or whatever it’s called.
Then I wasn’t feeling to eat anything suddenly so I thought I’ll go mandir everything is quite there no worries of judgements or overthinking.
I went to mandir I sat there for a while and realized so many things maybe I was lacking the calmness in my heart and mind both . When the racing thoughts stopped I realized if I can’t say no for now I can’t wait until I learn to reject someone it can mess things up more so I decided why not just ghost the people who I know are not good for me ? I started doing that in my end of 2nd year it helped me a lot slowly I’m learning to say no. But I was happy removing the people who bothered me and was using me and I didn’t have the courage to confront them! Even though when I started pushing everyone away I was the one at fault I don’t know how but they framed me like that I didn’t care for some reason.
Because I was happy I was feeling calm . I didn’t have to say no to anyone or even yes to anyone because I stppped talking to them yes I did help anyone who asked me they needed something but not more than that . Yes I got many people who hate me after this but I’m happy as I’m thinking about myself more than others. Going out not knowing where to go suddenly visited a temple changed everything and for good reason this temple will always hold a precious place in my life.