How life shapes the real ‘YOU’

Life up untill school is bed of roses . You get everything spoon fed . All the people around are super nice to you . As a kid you think that everyone is so kind . From the curricular activities to sports and academics everything goes soo smoothly that one forgets there a life after school .

We don’t really think much about it as fascinating as adulting sounds i never thought much about what i will do after school . I know many people will not agree with me here and some smart people might have a complete roadmap for there future as a kid but for me this was not my case .

I was just any other happy kid living my life from school to home to all the different activities. I never really thought about what i will do after school and came to realise this was actually one of my grave mistakes .

As high school went by i had the question of what to do next . Everyone around had there opinions to tell . There own perceptions and experiences but i don’t really think this applies to everyone. I was that one kid who was scared of my future .

I wanted to do sooo many things and yet not have that one particular thing i wanted to persue aa my career . Its not like i did nothing the whole time in twelfth and after that . I did i was preparing for NEET . I did give NEET . I scored somewhat good marks ( above 550 ) but not good enough to get me in a government medical college . And this was the time i did not think about if not NEET then what .

My relatives kept telling me to choose different things but i guess careers demands passion and was i really passionate about there ideas not really . I kept researching for months looking into all the different things i could do . My parents did not want me to waste any year after school . Soo i decided to go with optometry , well people in india at many places treat optometrist with there own clinic as ‘doctor sahab’ only . This was the only reason i had decided to persue optometry and even took admission in it . But then comes the role of relatives , My chachi who was working as a Nurse tood my Mom that optometry does not have any scope in India .

Indian parents being Indian parents will always listen to everyone else other than there own kids . So i had to withdraw my admission from optometry and this time i was told to take admission in Nursing . After college allotment i wasnt really happy , i wasn’t satisfied so i decided to persue psychology hons too . Now i like them both , both are fun and idk where life will take me in future but now that i am in second year i am happy with both of these choices .

I’ve never been someone who finds it easy to make friends. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been more on the introverted side observing more than speaking, listening more than sharing. Because of that, I never believed in having a big circle. For me, one good friend always felt like enough. Just one person who understands you, who stays, who feels like home.But life doesn’t always work in that simple, neat way.

There was a time when I truly believed I had that one person. A best friend of eight or nine years—someone who knew almost every version of me. We grew up together in a way, shared the same spaces, the same phases, the same changes. And when you have something like that for so long, you start assuming it’s permanent. Not because you’ve thought deeply about it, but because it just feels obvious.

Until it’s not.
Losing that friendship didn’t happen in one moment. It wasn’t dramatic or loud. It was quieter than that distance, changes, misunderstandings, things left unsaid. And suddenly, something that felt like a constant was gone. That’s when I realized that even the strongest connections aren’t guaranteed to stay.
After that, making new friendships felt different.When I entered college, I did make new friends. But I noticed a pattern in myself I never let my circle grow too big. I still held onto that idea that one or two close friends are enough. It wasn’t just preference anymore; it was also caution. I didn’t want to invest too much in too many people, only to feel that same loss again. Even with new friendships, there’s always this quiet fear in the background.It’s not exactly jealousy, and it’s not something I say out loud. It’s more like a thought that comes and goes that maybe one day, they’ll find someone else they connect with more. That they’ll drift away, just like before. And even if everything is fine in the present, that possibility never fully disappears.
I’ve realized that this fear shapes the way I build connections.It makes me value depth over quantity, but it also makes me a little guarded. I care deeply about the few people I let in, but at the same time, I’m always slightly aware that nothing is completely permanent. It’s like holding onto something while also knowing it might not stay.But at the same time, life keeps pushing you to open up again.
Because even after losing friendships, you still meet new people. You still laugh, still share things, still create new bonds. And in some way, that’s the “re-friending” part of life not necessarily going back to the same person, but allowing yourself to trust again, even after things didn’t last the first time.I don’t think I’ve completely figured it out.I still prefer having one or two close friends over a big group. I still feel that quiet fear sometimes. But I also know that avoiding connections completely isn’t the answer either.Maybe this is just how life shapes our “radius” not by making it bigger or smaller, but by changing how we see it. Who we let in, how close we let them get, and how we learn to deal with both staying and leaving.