Childhood Traumas:Not every childhood is a fairytale

Why do some memories bring comfort while others leave behind silent scars? Let me speak about the traumas i carried through by school days... school days are often called the most beautiful chapter of life..for many,it truly is..but for some,those classrooms..corridors and playgrounds became places where invisible wounds were born...
Not every child carries only report cards and happy memories to home..some carry harsh words that echo for years.. loneliness hidden behind a smile... comparisons that stole their confidence.. bulling that made them fear the next school days or the silent pressure to be " perfect"...
Those wounds never appeared on our reprtcards,yet they stayed with us long after graduation..
Today,I don't share these memories to seek sympathy..I share them because I knew I wasn't the only child who silently struggled..perhaps someone reading this will realize they weren't alone either..some traumas fade with time..others become a part of who we are..but speaking about them is often the first step towards healing..
I was an average student in my class - not the topper,not the trouble maker..just another face in the crowd..I was not much by teachers or even by my classmates..my presence never made a difference and my absence rarely raised a question..if I were there,the day went on as usual..if I wasn't,it seemed no one even realised I was missing..I often wondered what it felt like to be remembered,to have someone ask,"where were you yesterday?"..but that question rarely came my way ...looking back now,I realize that one of the deepest childhood wounds isn't always harsh words or punishment...sometimes,it is the quiet feeling of being invisible...
I was a lean girl with medium skin tone.. somewhere along the way,my school days mae me believe that physical appearance mattered more than I ever thought it should.. .I slowly developed an inferiority complex, convincing myself that I wasn't good looking enough..if wasn't something anyone sat me down and told me- it was the feeling I carried after watching certain patterns around me..
When annual day celebrations came around,the girls chosen for dance performances often seemed to fit a particular image..I would wait with hope.. wishing my name would be called just one..but year after year,i wasn't selected..Sa child,i quietly wondered"Am I not good enough?"..more than anything I wished I could stand on that stage and dance,just like everyone else..it took me years to realize that a child's worth should never be measured by appearance..every child deserves to be seen.. encouraged..and given a chance to shine..
One incident from my school days still remains vivid in my memory..I was in the 10 th grade when I was selected as a volunteer for our annual day..I was overjoyed..for the first time,i wasn't just going to sit among audience - I finally had a role to play...
During the school assembly,one of our teachers began announcing the names of the volunteers..as each name was called,the students walked up to the stage .then it was my turn..just as my name was announced,I heard my principal say"don't take weak students"...for a moment,I stood frozen..those words echoed in my mind..Was i considered weak simply because I was lean?Was my appearance enough for someone to decide what I was capable of?
As a fifteen yar old girl,i didn't get have the courage to question it..i silently carried these words with me and they became another wound i never spoke about..even today,i remember how deeply that moment hurt-not because I wasn't chosen,but because I felt judged before I was given a chance..
A similar incident happened when I was given the opportunity to deliver the vote of thanks for a school function..my class teacher believed in me and gave me the chance..but before the program,i happened to overheard a discussion in the staffroom..some teachers were wondering whether I could be able to perform well or not..hearing those words broke something inside me.. instead of feeling excited about the opportunity,i began questioning myself..Am I really capable?Am I good enough? slowly,i started doubting my own abilities and talents...
Years have passed since then,but those moments still remain as wounds that never completely healed.. childhood traumas don't always come from major incidents.. sometimes,few words,a judgement or a moment of being underestimated can stay with a child for a lifetime...
Today I choose to say goodbye to those painful memories..they may have shaped me but they no longer define me..and to anyone who has gone through similar experiences - you are not weak..and you are not alone...Never let someone else's opinion become your identity..You are stronger..more capable and far more valuable than you may have been made to believe..if you have experienced something similar during your childhood or school days,i would love to hear your story..Share it in comments ...maybe,by speaking about our wounds,we can help someone else heal ..
Goodbye for now ..until my next story 😌