a cancelled date
a cancelled date weighs on my soul tonight. it etches itself into the walls of my room, reminding me that it was my choice, and so i mustn’t complain about my loneliness.
what even is loneliness? i think about the hands i have held, and the faces i have kissed. i think about how now, i have no one to hold, and no one to behold either. the chamber of despair in my heart cries to be filled again, by love, by lust, by anything that would give me a semblance of being wanted by another person. that in itself is the the trap that loneliness lays out for you.
are you truly incapable of being alone? the answer is often, no. simply that you want someone around, someone to witness your life in case you forget to. you want to feel the way you believe everyone else is feeling, loved and held at home.
but truly, what need have you of an audience? the cure to loneliness is not another distraction that you do not need. you need to learn to enjoy life without having an audience to witness you enjoy it. when else will you get the chance to live?
do not listen to loneliness’s songs of sadness. it truly does not matter how many dates i cancel, for the void in my heart can only ever be filled by myself. the cure to loneliness is not another person, or another experience. it is finding the courage within yourself to live only for yourself.
it is your life, after all.