Maybe This Is Where We Begin!!!
I used to think beginnings were supposed to feel different.
Like there would be a moment when everything suddenly made sense - a door opening, a sign, some quiet certainty telling me, THIS IS IT.
But most of the beginnings don't feel like beginnings. They feel ordinary.
You wake up. You go through your day. You make choices without realising that, somewhere between one ordinary moment and the next, you're becoming someone new.
Maybe that's what growing up really is.
Not becoming an entirely different person, but slowly becoming more honest about who you are.
You outgrown things you begged for. You stop chasing people who make you question your worth. You learn that leaving isn't always giving up. You realise that starting over doesn't mean you failed.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that, you begin to look back at your past self with a little more tenderness. Because she didn't know what you know now. She made choices with information she had. She stayed when she didn't know how to leave. She held on because, at the time, letting go felt impossible.
I don't think she deserves our embarassment.
I think she deserves our understanding.
We spend so much time treating ourselves like an unfinished version of who we're supposed to become, as though one day we'll finally arrive at a version of ourselves that doesn't need changing. But maybe there is no final version.
Maybe we're meant to keep changing.
Maybe changing your mind isn't failure.
Maybe leaving isn't weakness.
Maybe starting again isn't proof that you got it wrong the first time.
Maybe it's simply proof that you know yourself a little better now.
And maybe I don't need to know exactly where I'm going before I begin.
Maybe I just need to take the next step.
So, I'm taking mine.
I don't know exactly what this'll become. I don't know who I'll be when I look back at these words someday. But I think it's okay. Because maybe beginnings were never supposed to feel like certainty. Maybe they're supposed to feel a little unfamiliar.
A little frightening.
A little hopeful.
Quiet enough that you almost miss them. So, if this is a beginning, let it be an impactful one.
Let it change.
Let it surprise me.
Let it become something I couldn't have planned.
For now, I don't need to know the ending.
I just need to begin.
Maybe this is where I begin,