Relationship

Finding a loved one in your 30s is one of the biggest challenges. If you are a woman then this challenge gets even tougher. Do you know why?

Let us first see what happens in the earlier years from a female's perspective. Finding someone special in teenage years is pretty simple. A sweet smile makes us get attracted towards them. A cute face often does the magic. Someone with an athletic built always has an advantage. If he is into sports then that boy gets the attention from all girls. In teenage years it is easy to find the opposite gender attractive and desirable.

Then comes a little difficult phase of 20s. At this time we have learnt a couple of lessons about attraction and infatuation. We are little careful but still are willing to take risks to find the special one. We have a couple of expectations and we use them as the filters. Our expectations revolve around the attractiveness, stability, and comfort. Sure, we have hard limits, but we are flexible with our parameters. We are searching for love. We are looking for a lifelong commitment. We let our emotions and instincts lead us. This is the time when we want to love and want to be loved by someone. We are ready for negotiations. We are ready to lower our expectations. If the time is right we may end up with the right person who would check most of the boxes.

But if you haven't found your love in 20s then it becomes even more difficult in 30s. Also during this phase you have already changed your expectations. You do not expect them to look like a film star. You do not expect them to be a millionaire. The looks and attractiveness are no longer the parameters that you want to consider. You are looking more for the stability. You want the other person to be sensitive and emotionally intelligent. You want them to be someone to talk to. You want them to be a kind and sensible person. According to you the expectations are bare minimum but the reality shows you a completely different picture.

In 30 you are mature enough to see the red flags from the distance. You had seen enough world by that point to know which gesture was genuine and which was not. You have mastered the skill of judging the character by some of the traits. If you see them shabbily dressed, you treat that as lack of self respect. You see them mistreating the service staff you take that as a lack of kindness. You notice these small habits and micro behaviours. Based on these, you reach to the conclusion that they are not the right one for you. Trust me most of the time your conclusion would be the right. These are not premature judgements, but gestures speak volumes to you.

In 30s you have gained enough experience from your school, college, and workplace to see through the micro behaviours and understand the true character of the person. Hence it becomes more and more difficult to find and sustained a romantic relationship in 30s.

Note: This article is based on my experience and I do not intend to fear monger.