The impact

I stopped meeting people , getting surrounded by them constantly scared of getting used again ! But I knew everything was messing my health if I don’t learn to say no it can mess my health even more I had to find some way to get out of this . I suffocated myself with immense overthinking and staying at home almost all the time I still do .
My habit of saying yes to everyone because of the constant fear of getting left out was still there it was bothering me a lot eventually one day I thought maybe I really need some alone time for myself I didn’t have to energy to go out or have fun or anything so I just forced myself to go out I’ll decide later on where to head on as I wasn’t even aware where shall I go to calm my mind .
Travelling was hard for me because of people surrounding me it still is hard for me it sounds kind of weird to anyone being scared people ? Some people think it’s funny not that I blame them sometimes I think too. I went out took the courage of travelling I realized so many people are suffering more than me? Not everyone looks happy some are worried about family while some are worried about future many people are alone with no shoulder to rely on while some are holding hands thinking we will handle this together and I realized they are facing the same thing too in different font . They don’t have the choice to say “NO”.
Maybe it’s their boss of family or partner or anything . It must be hard I kept on thinking about all this and was constantly wishing for everyone that I hope they receive the happiness they are craving and no worries well it’s not possible to live worry free life but my heart was not ready to accept it so the journey went like this.
I wanted to go eat something as eating keeps me happy but later I realized it’s depressed eating or whatever it’s called.
Then I wasn’t feeling to eat anything suddenly so I thought I’ll go mandir everything is quite there no worries of judgements or overthinking.
I went to mandir I sat there for a while and realized so many things maybe I was lacking the calmness in my heart and mind both . When the racing thoughts stopped I realized if I can’t say no for now I can’t wait until I learn to reject someone it can mess things up more so I decided why not just ghost the people who I know are not good for me ? I started doing that in my end of 2nd year it helped me a lot slowly I’m learning to say no. But I was happy removing the people who bothered me and was using me and I didn’t have the courage to confront them! Even though when I started pushing everyone away I was the one at fault I don’t know how but they framed me like that I didn’t care for some reason.
Because I was happy I was feeling calm . I didn’t have to say no to anyone or even yes to anyone because I stppped talking to them yes I did help anyone who asked me they needed something but not more than that . Yes I got many people who hate me after this but I’m happy as I’m thinking about myself more than others. Going out not knowing where to go suddenly visited a temple changed everything and for good reason this temple will always hold a precious place in my life.