The Audacity of People Who Walk Slowly 🚶🏻‍♀️

I have a confession to make.I am a peaceful person. I believe in kindness, humanity, and giving people second chances.But if there’s one thing that tests my commitment to being a decent human being, it’s a person who walks incredibly slowly in the middle of a crowded pathway.WHY?WHERE ARE WE GOING, AND WHY HAVE YOU DECIDED THAT WE’RE GOING THERE AT THE SPEED OF A RETIRED TURTLE?
I’m trying to reach my destination, not participate in a documentary about the natural migration patterns of snails.And the worst part? They never walk slowly in a convenient location.
Oh no.They walk slowly in the EXACT MIDDLE of the path.Not on the left. Not on the right. Right in the centre, occupying the entire width like they’ve personally purchased the road.
Meanwhile, I’m behind them, practising patience that would make a Buddhist monk emotional.I try to overtake them from the left.They move left.I move right.THEY MOVE RIGHT.
At this point, I’m convinced they’re not walking. They’re tracking my movements.It’s a psychological experiment, and I’m the unfortunate lab rat.Then comes the most infuriating species of slow walker: the group of three friends who 
walk shoulder to shoulder.They’re discussing something extremely important, apparently.Perhaps international politics. Perhaps the meaning of life. Perhaps why their mutual 
friend’s boyfriend liked another girl’s Instagram picture.I don’t know.All I know is that they’ve formed a human barricade, and I’m standing behind them like a delivery person whose order is getting cold.And when you finally say, “Excuse me,” they look at you as if you’ve interrupted a United Nations peace summit.SIR, MADAM, WHATEVER YOUR COLLECTIVE NOUN IS, I JUST WANT TO PASS.I DON’T WANT YOUR PROPERTY.I DON’T WANT YOUR SECRETS.I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN EPISODE FOUR OF YOUR LIFE.
JUST MOVE SIX INCHES TO THE SIDE.PLEASE.But perhaps the most fascinating category is the person who suddenly stops walking without warning.
One moment, they’re moving forward.The next moment, they’ve frozen.No signal. No warning. No indicator lights.Just a complete system shutdown in the middle of the road.WHY HAVE WE STOPPED?
IS THERE A RED LIGHT INSIDE YOUR BRAIN?DID YOUR SOUL JUST RECEIVE A SOFTWARE UPDATE?And naturally, you nearly walk straight into them because your brain was operating under the reasonable assumption that human beings generally continue moving when they’re walking.Apparently, that’s an outdated concept.I’ve started wondering whether I should carry a tiny traffic sign.Something like:
WARNING: FAST-MOVING HUMAN APPROACHING. PLEASE MAINTAIN A MINIMUM WALKING SPEED OF ONE KILOMETRE PER HOUR.
Or perhaps I should wear a badge that says, “I have places to be and absolutely no desire to become emotionally invested in your walking journey.”
But then I remember that everyone has their own pace.Some people are tired. Some are distracted. Some are simply enjoying their day.And honestly, there’s something admirable about people who aren’t constantly rushing around like they’re late for a meeting with the President.Maybe I’m the problem.Maybe the world doesn’t need to move at my speed.Maybe I should learn to relax.Maybe I should embrace the beauty of slowing down.
And then someone stops directly in front of me to check their phone.And suddenly, I’m ready to introduce compulsory walking licences.Because apparently, the road belongs to everyone, but common sense is available on a first-come, first-served basis. 😭💀