Beauty with brain

"Hey look at that girl. She looks beautiful"
"Imagine dude. How dumb she would be" both men laugh.
Does this sound familiar? Have you heard this conversation before? I am sure you must have. There is a narrative that if someone (specifically a girl) is beautiful she would lack intellect. Also, if a girl is intelligent, she must be ugly. A girl who is intelligent and beautiful is a rare find, or is it?

I don't know who came up with this concept. To make it worse, some genius came up with a phrase "beauty with brain". This phrase is thrown around like praise. As if human body runs on either of the capabilities - either one gets beauty or intelligence. Never both. And if one received both, then it is a diamond in the rough.

"It is a compliment, Amy. You just don't know how to accept it and you are just being ungrateful," someone once said this to me when I objected against using "beauty with brain". I questioned their logic and mindset, which automatically made me a villain.

Now, I don't have anything against using "beauty with brain" used only for women. I am completely against the phrase "beauty with brain". I am against the idea that intelligence is selective. I am against the concept that if someone is not considered "good looking" they are automatically called intelligent, kind, or sweet etc.

I am against the idea that one cannot possess many qualities. And saying this out loud becomes a compliment. I don't understand that why this has to be considered a compliment then it is so insulting. It is anybody that you cannot be good looking and possess intelligence at the same time.

So here is what I think. Next time when you call someone Beauty with brain take a minute to clear your head. Think for a minute if you would be happy to receive this compliment for your daughter. Would you like it if someone says, "oh she stood first in the class! Beauty with brain. Such a rare combination. You are lucky that you are a daughter has been blessed with both". Would you still find that appealing?

Now let us shift from daughter to son. Imagine hearing this for your son. "Wow you got 100 out of hundred in maths. What a handsome young boy who possesses intelligence. That is such a rare combination. You must be proud of your boy right? " now tell me does this sound right to you? Does this sound like a back handed complement?

I don't know about others but I do not find it appropriate. Commenting on someone's physical appearance and combining that with someone's intelligence is highly in appropriate. And hence when it comes to giving the compliments, I never use it. I would just compliment on their achievements. I compliment on there performance. I do not compliment on their physical appearance or attributes.

At the same time I genuinely feel that people do not use beauty with brain as a back handed complement. They really want to compliment and they think that it is a good complement without realising. However in today's world I believe that if we have realised if something is not appropriate we should call it out. We should make people understand that why it is not appropriate. This is how we can minimise the use of compliments that should not be considered compliments.