In just a month or less then a month my examinations and I am not prepared yet 🥲🥺 like studying but not prepared not have that confidence and that really fears avery night and this fear increase when I give mock test and get less marks ,
As being humanities student there is just government sector option because we don't have any skill certificate or expertise so mostly students choose the path of preparing government exams like SSC ,UPSC, PSC , and various other exams
Being a government job preparing aspirant is not easy though I am not comparing any field, students of science side or with any specification also face this toughness but although there is a certainty afterall but person like me who have just simple bachelor of arts degree, people often judge us just by knowing that we have…
For a long time, I thought changing my mind was a sign of weakness.
Once I decided something, I felt I had to continue with it, even when I was no longer happy. I was afraid people would think I was confused or that I had wasted my time.
One afternoon, I was sitting at my desk, looking at a list of goals I had made months ago. Everything looked organized. There were deadlines, plans, and things I had promised myself I would complete.
But while reading the list, I noticed something.Some of those goals didn't feel like mine anymore.
I had chosen them because they sounded good. Some were things other people expected from me. Others were plans I had made when I was a completely different person.
For a few minutes, I just stared at the page.
Then I closed the notebook and went outside for a wal…
Yesterday I got a phone call from my childhood friend. Both of us became friends when we were in 2nd standard and now we have grown up ones. Both of us are poles apart from each other, we do not resemble eachother in any matter. Our nature, likes, dislikes, behaviour everything is so different. She is a chatterbox by nature and I am someone who does not like to talk much and i like to write then talk. Whenever I got a phone call from her one thing is so clear at that point that our call is going to last so long around 1 hour or 1-30 hours and she is the ones who is going to talk a lot out of 1 hours she will talk for 45 minutes and rest 15 minutes I would be agreeing or would be asking her to say it again and then few words only about myself. She is the attention seeker who loves to get l…
Today, a familiar festival felt different because someone who usually made it special was not around. Everything else Looked the same; food decorations, conversations and laughter. Yet there was an empty space nobody mentioned. I realized how strongly certain people become part of our traditions without us consciously noticing.
I missed their presence more than I expected, Still, I tried to enjoy the celebration instead of letting sadness take everything away. Maybe remembering someone can exist alongside 😊. Tonight I understood that traditions are not only about what we do each year, they are also about the people who give those moments meaning.
There was a time when I said yes to almost everything.
Yes, even when I was tired.
Yes, even when I didn't want to go.Yes, even when someone else's expectations made me uncomfortable.
I thought saying yes made me a good person.
I thought if I was always available, people would appreciate me more.
But slowly, I started feeling exhausted.
One evening, I was sitting in my room after a long day. My phone kept lighting up with messages and requests. Someone wanted my help, someone wanted an answer, and someone else wanted me to change my plans.
Normally, I would have replied immediately. That evening, I didn't.
I put my phone aside and sat quietly.
For the first time, I asked myself a simple question:
“What do I actually want?” The answer didn't come immediately.
I had spent so much time thinki…
I had a habit of making lists.
Whenever life felt confusing, I would take out my notebook and write down everything I wanted to change. Wake up early. Study more. Exercise every day. Learn something new. Stop wasting time. Save money. Become more confident.
The list always looked perfect.
Following it was another story.For a few days, I would feel motivated. Then something would happen. I would wake up late, skip my plans, spend too much time on my phone, or simply feel tired. By the end of the week, I would look at the list and feel disappointed in myself.
One Sunday evening, I decided to make another list.
I wrote almost twenty things.
Then my younger cousin came into my room and asked what I was doing.
“Planning my life,” I said jokingly.
She looked at the page and asked, “Do you actual…
He didn’t win. He’s been nominated for thirteen years, but he never wins. All of the work he’s done, the thirty five years of service. Mind numbing, heart breaking work. It was his last chance, one more shot at a spotlight well deserved but never, ever asked for.
Instead, I got him his own trophy. One better than the one he’ll never win.
The Message I Typed but Never Sent
There are some messages we type even when we already know we probably won't send them.
I had one of those messages sitting in my phone once. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to say when I opened the chat. I just knew there were things I had been keeping to myself for too long.
So I started typing.
At first, it was simple. I wanted to ask how they were doing. Then I started writing about how I sometimes missed our conversations and how there were still random moments when I would see something and think, I should send this to them.
Then I would remember that things weren't the same anymore.
I kept typing anyway.
I wrote about the things I never got to say properly. About how some memories still came back unexpectedly. About how strange it was to go from…
I've recently watched a k-drama named We are all trying here and this was the best drama I've ever seen I mean really the comfort, the inspiration and a lot of things I got to learn just from this one drama. The male lead named Hwang Dong-man has spent his 20 years of life to become a film director. He belongs to a college group that is now full of award winning directors and producers. He was the only one left behind and never even debuted. He is left with self-doubt, worthlessness, endless envy and a lot of emotions I can't even describe while the others of his group were succeeded a long time ago. Then he meets the female lead named Byeon Eun-a . She was a producer, a really sharp-tounged producer. She was nicknamed The Axe for her brutal script reviews. She seems so calm and confident …
Today, I was waiting for someone to reply to an important message. I keep checking my phone every few minutes,creating stories in my head about why they had not responded. Eventually, I realized I was spending more energy imagining possibilities than actually living my day. The silence was uncomfortable, but manageable.
I put my phone away and continued with my work. When the reply finally arrived, nothing terrible had happened. They had simply been busy I felt slightly embarrassed by how much I had worried. Maybe not every silence contains a hidden meaning. Sometimes people are just living their own lives, too.
Today, I did not accomplish anything extraordinary. I attended class , completed a few tasks, ate dinner, watching something and rested. Normally I would feel guilty about such an ordinary day. But tonight, I realized that life cannot consist entirely of achievements, milestones and impressive stories worth telling other people.
There was comfort in accepting that today was simply a normal day. I did not need to prove that I was productive or becoming successful every hour. Some days are meant to pass quietly. Maybe a peaceful ordinary day is not a wasted day. Maybe it is part of the life I am working so hard to build.
Today, I arrived somewhere earlier than necessary and found myself with fifteen quiet minutes before everyone else came. Usually, I would fill that time by scrolling through my phone, instead, I sat down and watched the place slowly become busy.People arrived one by one , carrying their own thoughts and plans.
Those fifteen minutes felt surprisingly peaceful. I realized how rarely I allow myself to arrive before the rush begins. Being early gave me something I usually chasevall day breathing space. Maybe I do not always need more time. Perhaps I sometimes need to stop filling every empty moment with something.
It really takes a lot to hustle to be at the top, The hustle of life has always appeared so, as if a person were tied to a treadmill that spun with an incredible pace. One constantly strives, fits, and rushes in the name of time. The world sees only the result of this frantic running and thinks that this is a picture of continuous motion from morning to night. The hustle is a struggle of an individual against the background of universal activity, making his or her own contribution with a sense of competition.
My hustle is the struggle that begins every evening after midnight while sitting at my desk. With a laptop in front of me and a coffee cup in my hand, I try to comprehend tens or hundreds of lines of code for programs in various languages. Sometimes I simply get tired and can't under…
I had planned my evening carefully today, but heavy rain arrived and ruined everything. At first ibfelt annoyed watching my plans disappear. I kept checking the weather and wondering when I could continue. Eventually, I stopped fighting it, made some tea and sat near the window listening to the rain.
Nothing I had planned happened, yet the evening became peaceful in a completely different way. I realized how uncomfortable I am with plans changing unexpectedly. Maybe I need to learn that a changed plan is not automatically a bad day. Sometimes life closes one door simply because there is something quieter waiting.
There's a thing I want, and it sits so far past my reach that I'm almost embarrassed to say it out loud. Not because it's silly, but because saying it makes it real, and real things can disappoint you.
Still, I want it. I want it in the quiet moments, in the shower, on the bus, in the last minute before sleep when the mind stops guarding itself. I picture it so clearly that for a second my chest warms up as if it's already mine. Then reality taps me on the shoulder and says, "Cute. Now look at where you actually are."
And I do look. I see the distance. I see how many things would have to go right, how many doors would have to open that I'm not even sure exist. The sensible part of me whispers, "Be realistic. Want smaller. Want safer." It's not wrong, which is what makes it so annoying.
But…
I will start tomorrow. That's what I said yesterday, and the day before, and honestly I could trace it back through most of my life if I had the energy, which i don't, because I've spent it all on avoiding the thing I'm supposed to be doing.
Let me tell you how procrastination actually works, because nobody gets it right. It's not laziness. Lazy people are relaxed. I am not relaxed. I'm lying here with a low hum of dread running through my entire body, refreshing apps I just closed, opening the fridge to look at the same food I looked at ten minutes ago. If this is laziness, it's the most exhausting kind there is.
The worst part is the bargaining. "I'll do it after I eat." "I'll do it after one more video." "I work better under pressure anyway." Do I? Do I really? Or have I just trained my…
The Month I Worked Without Salary And Had Only 340 Rupees Left
I have never told this story to anyone properly because it feels embarrassing to say that you worked for 22 days full day and got zero money. It was tournament time in school. My duty was not teaching, it was full management. Morning 7 AM to evening 5 PM. Making lists, printing lists, calling parents who were not picking up, handling kids who were fighting in the ground, bringing water bottles, holding the mic when mic stopped working, standing in the sun whole day.
Ma'am had said on first day very clearly - "Payment 15th ko ho jayega, don't worry." So I was relaxed. I had to pay my room rent in Shimla, 3500. I thought okay, 15th ko aa jayega.
On 15th, I messaged in the morning - "Good morning Ma'am, payment kebaare mein puchna…
I recently joined a corporate group and now work as a Subject Matter Expert.
I started the job in full enthusiasm.
My timings are U.S based and in CST.
I work from 4 in the morning IST, upto 8 am, with a ten minutes break in the middle.
Now, 2 months into this and my enthusiasm is fading.
I feel like I haven’t slept in these 2 months at all.
As someone who already faced insomnia and troubles with sleep, its even difficult now.
I do fall asleep by 10.30 to 11 pm.
but then I have to force myself into waking at 3.50
After having done my work for 4 hours, when I finally feel tired and go to bed, My eyes start getting irritated and my head feels like it is getting heavy.
I feel so so sleepy and yet I cannot sleep.
Even in the night when I decide to go early to bed, it tales me around 2-3 h…
There are some messages we type even when we already know we're probably never going to send them.
I've had one of those.
It wasn't anything dramatic. I wasn't writing a huge paragraph or trying to change someone's mind. I just wanted to say the things I had been keeping to myself for a while.
I remember opening the chat and staring at the empty text box for a few minutes. I didn't even know how to start.
So I typed, deleted it, typed again, and deleted that too.
Eventually, I just started writing whatever came to my mind.
I wanted to say that I missed talking to them. That sometimes I still thought about the conversations we used to have. That there were random moments when I would see something and instinctively think, I should send this to them, before remembering that I couldn't anymor…
Today I lost a small keychain that I had carried for years. It was not expensive, but I searched everywhere because it reminded me of someone and a time I valued. Finding nothing made me unexpectedly emotional.bi realized that objects sometimes become important because of the memories we attach to them.
I eventually stopped searching and accepted that it was gone. The memory however was stilline.That gave me some comfort. Maybe holding on does not always mean keeping the physical thing forever. Sometimes we carry people and moments through stories, feelings, and memories long after the objects disappear.
I never really thought I would lose this friendship.
There was no huge fight. No dramatic ending. No one said, “We’re not friends anymore.” It just slowly became different.
At one point, talking to this person was such a normal part of my day. I could tell them random things without thinking twice. Something funny happened? I’d tell them. Something annoyed me? I’d tell them. Sometimes we would talk for hours about absolutely nothing.
And then, slowly, the conversations became shorter.
Replies took longer. Plans stopped happening. We started knowing less about each other’s lives.
I kept thinking it was temporary.
Maybe they were busy. Maybe I was busy. Maybe we would eventually go back to how things were.
But we didn’t.
And I think that’s the strange part about losing a friendship. Sometime…
Truth 1. No one is actually ahead. On Instagram everyone look successful. In reality, everyone is just hiding their struggle. You are not late you are your timing is different.
Truth 2. Your parents are getting old slowly. The same parents who used to scold you, now say" take care of yourself". That line hits harder than anything else.
Truth 3. Friends are reducing. School friends are gone. College friends are busy. Now there is no one to call at 1:00 a.m.. and that's normal. Growing up his lonely.
Life is not a race. Someone get a job at 20, someone at 28. Someone gets married at 22 and someone at 32.
If you over think at night and feel alone you are not. We are all in the same boat.
Just keep going. One day it will make sense.
Today, a stranger held the college gate open for me when my hands were full. It lasted only a second but his simple kindness stayed with me throughout the day. I realized how easily we overlook these tiny moments while rushing toward bigger achivements, deadlines, and plans for tomorrow.
Later, I remembered seeing people online say that small gestures can completely change an ordinary day.That thought made me smile. Maybe happiness is not always found in major events of achievements, Sometimes it quietly arrives through a stranger's smile, a kind word, or an unexpected little act of care
Today, I found myself explaining a small personal decision to someone who did not really need an explanation. I kept giving reasons because I wanted them to understand and approve. Halfway through speaking, I realized I was trying to prove that my choice was valid simply because they questioned it.
I stopped and let the conversation moves on, It felt strange, almost uncomfortable, but also peaceful. I realized not everyone needs to understand every decision I make . Some choices can simply belong to me Tonight, I felt lighter knowing that I do not have to turn every part of my life into something I must defend.
Today I noticed my father taking longer than usual to climb the stairs.bit was such a small moment but it stayed with me. I suddenly remembered being younger and thinking my parents would always be strong enough to solve everything. Growing up has made me realize they are human too.
That thought made me uncomfortable because time feels much faster now.bi cannot stop them from getting older, and I cannot return to childhood. But I can spend more time with them while I have it. Tonight, I stayed a little longer during our conversation instead of rushing back to my phone.
Today, I made a simple mistake while speaking in front of others.My face became hot, and for a few seconds I wanted to disappear. I kept imagining everyone remembering it forever. But after the moment passed, people simply continued with their day. The embarrassment lasted longer inside me than outside.
That realization was strangely comforting. I often believe my mistakes are much bigger than they actually are Most people are busy thinking about themselves, not replaying my awkward moments. Tonight, I laughed about what happened instead of feeling ashamed. Maybe embarrassment becomes smaller when we stop treating it like a permanent identity.
Today, I decided to take a different route home just because I wanted a change. Nothing extraordinary happened, but I noticed small houses, trees, and shops I had ignored for years. The journey took a little longer, yet I did not mind. It felt refreshing to break a routine I had stopped questioning.
I realized routines are useful , but they can also make lifevfeel automatic. Sometimes we repeat the same choices simply because they are familiar. Tonight, I wondered how many possibilities I miss by always choosing the easiest path. Perhaps occasionally changing direction is not about escaping life, but noticing it again.
was one of those mornings when everything seemed to be going wrong.
I woke up late, couldn't find my keys, spilled tea on my shirt, and then missed the bus I usually took. By the time I reached the bus stop, I was already irritated.
There was an old man sitting on the bench nearby. He had a small bag beside him and kept looking at the road every few minutes.
I didn't think much about it.
A few minutes later, he stood up and walked toward the road. A bus stopped, but he didn't get on. He looked confused and checked a small piece of paper in his hand.
I asked him if he needed help.
He showed me the address written on the paper. He was trying to reach a hospital but had taken the wrong bus earlier.
I checked the route on my phone and explained where he needed to go. There was another bus tha…
Having a sibling is probably one of the strangest relationships in the world.They are the person you can fight with over the smallest things, complain about for hours, and still defend immediately if someone else says something about them.Growing up with a sibling means privacy is basically a luxury.
You hide your favourite chocolate? Somehow they find it.You buy something new? They notice it before you even get to your room.
You are peacefully sitting on your bed? Suddenly they need the exact spot you’re sitting in.And somehow, parents always seem to have a magical sixth sense for finding out who started the fight.
“Who did this?”Silence.Then both of you point at each other.It is almost a professional partnership.There were arguments over the TV remote, food, clothes, chargers, bathroom t…
Today, I borrowed an old book and found a handwritten note tucked between two pages. I don't not know who wrote it or why they left it there. The handwriting looked personal, almost like a private conversation accidentally discovered by someone else years later. I kept wondering what story belonged to those words.
The note reminded me that people leave traces behind without realizing it. A sentence a photograph or a name can survive long after its owner has moved on. I placed the note carefully back inside the book. It felt respectful as though I had briefly touched a stranger's memory without being meant to.
